Monday, September 24, 2012

Adventures in Toe Rings

All good vacations require at least one shopping trip.

Amidst our surfing extravaganza here in Maui, we decided to take one day off to recirculate our money through the economy.

Looking through one of the numerous vacation guides, maps and things to do in Maui brochures, I was drawn to the toe ring advertisement.

Off we went, to Whalers Village in Ka’anapali.  Ka’anapali is a stunning location right on the ocean that was cleared away some thirty years ago to make room for all the Marriott’s, Hilton’s, condominiums, your choice of infinity pools and hotel inspired Luaus.

Kerry and I walked hand in hand through this lovely open-air mall that has every shop your heart could desire, and some, like the Louis Vuitton store that your heart may desire, but your bank account might have other ideas.

Finally, there it was, like a mirage in a desert, the toe ring kiosk!

I eagerly surveyed the toe rings on display.  Beautiful rings, some in silver, some in gold, some with rubies, some with emeralds.  I finally settled on three rings that the attendant advised me was their best seller.

“Sit right here in the throne” commanded the attendant in a husky voice.

“Where are you guys from?  Oh, Laguna Beach!  I’m from there but haven’t lived there in thirty two years”

My feet where resting on a wooden bench, similar to the type where you get your shoes shined.  A bottle containing Windex appeared and was sprayed on my toe in order to facilitate the fitting of the ring.

“Ouch”  That really hurt as the ring had to make it over the beginning of my interestingly shaped toe.

Polite conversation was made about the various landmarks in Laguna Beach.

“So, is the Taco Bell still there?  That’s where I used to go to score my acid.”

I’ve never been able to figure out why complete strangers love filling me in on all the details of their life.  I don’t make this stuff up folks, I just report it.

“Ouch”  As the remaining two rings went on with the help of the Windex.

“Sold!”  was my reply as I was not eager to experience further pain.

I am thrilled with my lovely new jewelry.  Next time you’re anywhere near a toe ring kiosk, check it out.  And next time you’re in Laguna Beach, in the mood for some hallucinogenics, check out the Taco Bell connection.  Just don’t tell them I sent you.

Friday, September 21, 2012

Lomi Lomi Massage

Ninth straight day of surfing in Maui calls for a massage.

There’s a place within walking distance of our condo in Kahana that I’ve been eyeing.  It’s called the Smiles Nails Salon Spa/Massage.

The first thing you notice about the place is the blinking neon sign that advertises Massage.  The second thing you notice is the handmade sign that offers to buy your used Gold or used iPhone for cash.

I walked in this afternoon, feeling sore and tired, in desperate need of someone, anyone, to work me over.  If it was a male massage therapist who made me feel slightly uncomfortable, all the better.

The Smiles Nails Salon Spa/Massage is a nice facility, run by a likeable couple of women who look like they’re of Japanese descent.

“Do you have someone who can give an hour massage?”  asked I, hopefully.

“You like a seventy five minurte massage”?  replied the nice woman as she hopped up from her manicure table.

She then got on the phone and called someone who, as I overheard, was to appear in five minutes.

The salon provides mani pedi’s, massage, facials, jewelry, sandals and iPhone covers in designer knock off motifs.

“Oh you sell iPhone covers”  I said, trying to be polite.

“I give it to you for ten dolla’ off”

“Ummmm, I’m going to be getting the brand new iPhone that’s coming out this week, so no thank you”

Out of the hot Maui sun, an angel arrived; my massage therapist.

She had black hair that was long and glossy, flawless porcelain skin, a pair of colorful flowing pants, a halter top and painted blue toenails with flowers stenciled on.

She led me into the sparsely decorated massage room that was blissfully air conditioned, and was playing soothing music featuring violins.

“This your time.  Take off all your clothes and start face down.  I be right back”

I did as instructed and waited for the polite knock on the door.

After she adjusted the face cradle, she said, “Take a deep breath fo me pleez”

And she went to work.  Craaaaack.  Was the first sound I heard.  Ah, that feels good.

Seventy five minutes later, M, as she advised me her name was, completed my rejuvenating Lomi Lomi massage.

I walked the five minutes back to our condo on a cloud.  Next time you’re in Maui, check out M in the Smiles Nails Salon Spa/Massage in Kahana.  Five stars!